ABOUT THE VAGINA
Important Parts
The Clitoris (rhymes with Deloris, and Lavoris)- also known as the man in the boat, the clit, the love button, the budgie's tongue and the magic button that will open her thighs. This is where you'll be expected to spend a significant part of the night, so bring ideas for killing time. One way is to try and guess the different smells. One might be her laundry detergent, another last night's dinner. Some women like humming at this point - and I hum "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" and refer to it as the seventh inning stretch. I understand some women will actually orgasm upon clitoral contact. Please confirm in an email if this should happen to you.
Different Types of Vaginas
There are probably different types of vaginas but quite frankly who cares? Nobody has ever thrown a babe out of bed because her vagina wasn't cute. Once you've determined that there is, in fact, a vagina present, get the party started. There are however different ways of decorating the vagina. I found these helpful diagrams at the National Institute of Health.
This is the vagina of a "modern woman." Note the way the ovaries are flexing like a body builder, mocking you. Fortunately, as can plainly be seen, the canal is ribbed for your enjoyment. Discuss NPR, how much you respect women, and keep telling her you're not interested in sex right up until the point you cum inside her. Then get the hell out and watch Monday Night Football.
Do you find all this talk about vaginas too complicated? God knew you would so he created something that avoids all of this nonsense. The hand. The most important thing to remember is that the hand was specially designed by God to make your penis feel good.
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